I see you, God

Sometimes it’s hard for me to see God in the usual places.  And when I do see Him, I’m not always loud about it.

When Link was born, and after I healed from my baby blues, I tried to make it a priority to thank God for Link daily.  It lasted months, and then dwindled.  When Eloise was born, I was amazed at how she was exactly what I prayed for, but I don’t praise Him every time she smiles at me.  I should.

But today, I recognize God.  He is in the cold water I used to wash my face with since the water heater broke.  He was in the puddle I stepped in, reminding me that we all have obstacles.  He is in my husband’s tired eyes, who spent more time that not rocking our babe last night.  He is in my mom’s pain, as she recovers from surgery.  He is in Link’s tears, and Ellie’s smiles; in Ellie’s tears and Link’s smiles.  He is here, with me in everything.

For that, I will never be alone.

Routine

I can sit now mom!

I can sit now mom!

I am not great at maintaining a routine for myself.  I try to schedule my days so that the house gets clean on a regular cycle, I exercise each night, and meals are prepared for the next day.  This rarely happens – I don’t listen to the rules I set for myself.  This leads to greater issues when I have to construct and follow a routine for others.

Dinosaurs are a part of daily life

Dinosaurs are a part of daily life

Children thrive on routine.  There is a lot of evidence to support this, but I can tell from just observing my children.  Lincoln behaves better and feels better if he is on a routine.  The Montessori he attends has a basic routine for their day, with a lot of freedom built in.  On weekends I am not great at following this, but we do a basic job of it.  Breakfast, play, maybe snack, play/learn/story, lunch, nap… etc.  I do believe that the weekends are for resisting routine a bit more and creating excellent family time and adventures.  But things like brush your teeth, take a bath, make your bed – those are the things that I am not the greatest at enforcing.  Okay, so make your bed has never even been mentioned; brush your teeth happens regularly, if not exactly as it should; baths occur, although maybe not quite every other day.  It’s just the idea of making sure other humans follow a routine that challenges me.

Eating oatmeal!

Eating oatmeal!

Now we look at Eloise.  She is just starting in the world, and believes wholeheartedly that sleeping at night is not part of the routine, unless maybe if it’s in mommy’s bed.  I know she is old enough to do some sleep-training, but I’m not quite ready to do that.  Plus, she is sick with an ear infection right now, teething, and we are going on vacation in a week+, so it’s better to just wait until after all of those disruptions.  But I did some reading and thinking, and realized that she does not have a good bedtime routine.  So last night we started one.

At dinner she had a bit of baby oatmeal.  Although this is a cereal, and not what she is getting fed in general with BLW, I wanted to see if it would help her sleep.  I did have her feed herself, and she got quite a bit in her belly.  And on her belly.  Then we played for a bit with big brother and daddy.  Next was bath time.  I probably won’t do bath every night, but she really enjoys herself – I’m pretty sure she’s a mermaid.  Then I slathered her up with coconut oil and gave her a bit of a massage. Dressed, sleep sack on, and books read.  Then I nursed her a bit, which she wasn’t very interested in, and rocked her to sleep. I also added music playing in her room.

Bath time!

Sleepy head

Sleepy head

She did not sleep all night, but she only woke up twice-ish.  She went down at 7pm, woke up at midnight and ate.  I put her back in her crib and she slept until 4am.  Then she ate again, and slept in our bed with us until 6 when I got up.  This is better, and hopefully is a path to better sleep for all!

But sleep is not necessarily my main goal here.  I want Ellie to feel comforted and safe, and to thrive.

Routines are helpful, and if maintained, lives are better.  (Especially in situations like holidays/vacations – but that’s a completely different post…)

 

Prepare for and plan for the best

photoJustin and I are going on our first vacation sans children in a couple of weeks.  It’s a work conference for myself, but we are adding a day so that we can spend some quality time together. It will be a great way to strengthen our marriage.

I’m terrified.

We haven’t left the kids yet, but for a night away here and there.  Link tells me he misses me when I leave his room at night!  How will he handle 5 days?  And sweet Eloise, who doesn’t sleep… what will she do when she can’t snuggle with mommy all night?

I know they will be fine. But I worry – I am a worrier.  It will be so good for Justin and I, and it will be great for Link to learn that we leave AND come back.

I did get my will finalized, so if we end up in the Indian Ocean or anything, the kids are protected.  I didn’t put a directive for Alabaster – so hopefully someone will take him.

All this being said, God has us in His hands.  We will all be safe, and loved, and protected.  But say a prayer for us anyway… please.

Missing Jay

I’ve been to many funerals in my life; too many to count.  I will be attending one today for a faculty member where I work.  It will be a celebration of her life, remembering her accomplishments and love, and trying to take away the power that cancer had over her.  Many of the funerals I’ve attended have been celebrations.  I’ve known some incredible people who have lived incredibly fulfilling lives.

But a few of my funeral experiences have been brutal.  I watched my best friend mourn the loss of her sister.  I experienced devastation as my mom lost her brother.  But the one that was most crippling for me was when we lost Jay.

Jay was Justin’s cousin, and was very close in age to me.  I loved him.  He went to the UMN while I did, and I would often run into him, and listen to him gripe about his studies.  He was so smart.  We were honored to have him as an usher in our wedding, and I made him dance with me during the reception.  His smile made me smile.  Three years ago today during my pregnancy with Lincoln, Jay took his own life.

I have faced depression in my life, but I will not pretend to understand how Jay felt to make that decision.  What I do know is that his death changed me.

I don’t think about Jay every day, but I think about him often.  Many, many people think about him daily.  I am so blessed to have known him, and I wish he had stayed with us longer.

If you are so deep in your sadness that you feel like the world would be better without you in it, know that it will not.  Jay made a mark on my life long before his ended, and today especially, I miss him.

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Jason and Diane

Today my kids will be hugged tighter and my husband kissed longer.  I will say hi to every student I walk by and smile at more people.  I will thank God for holding me up when I couldn’t do it myself. I will celebrate Jay’s life.

It is good to stray from the norm

My mom has referred to me as a hippie mom.  I’m not sure that I’ve gone that extreme, but I have chosen some parenting techniques that are not as common.

I breastfed Lincoln and took him to baby yoga. I made all of his solid foods, many of which were organic, and we taught him baby sign.  But he did wear lots of blue, started his solids right at 6 months, and had some formula in his first weeks of life.  It was a wonderful blend of the traditional methods and some newer trends.  We learned a lot about parenting an infant.  There were a few things that I’d wished I’d done with him, and I planned to do that with the next pregnancy and baby.

I found out I was pregnant again (with Eloise), and I considered the things we did with Link, and the things I wished I had.  I decided I would do more prenatal yoga to prepare for birth (I did it almost 5 times… but I was on restrictions a lot of her pregnancy, so I’ll blame that) and that I would get in a place where I wouldn’t need an epidural (I totally had one).  I prepared to breastfeed her without using any formula to supplement, but I knew, based on Link’s experience, that the needs of the baby outweighed my wants.  Eloise was born, perfectly.  We were able to breastfeed right away (thank you Jesus!) and I was able to store up enough extra milk that I was able to donate some, as I wished I could have done with Link.

I cloth diaper Eloise, which I am so happy about.  I love not buying diapers (we are almost not buying any for Link either).  My family was supportive of my decision, although I’m pretty sure they thought that I was nuts, and would give up.  But I was alright with that, and it did encourage me to give it the best go of it that I could, so that I knew if it was right for us.

The next thing that we are doing different with Eloise is baby-led weaning as a way of introducing her to solid food.  It’s going pretty well, although we are on a hiatus to figure out some issues she’s having otherwise.  You can read more about the benefits here if you’d like.  Before my mom read the benefits, she was certain I was nuts.

But here is the important part: It’s alright to do things different than how your mom (mother-in-law/sister/neighbor/friend) did them!  If you, as the trusted parent of this little one, feel that this way is right, do it that way.

I do feel that it is important for family members to be involved in raising your children.  If you, as a grandparent, don’t understand why a certain method is being used, ask!  I am grateful that Link’s and Ellie’s grandparents care enough about them to ask why I do things a certain way.  My children are so blessed!  And I am so incredibly blessed that my husband, parents and in-laws may seek better understanding of what I’m doing, but then they support it.  They know that I am choosing the best for my kids.

I feel that listening to people’s concerns and questions, and then making my own decision, is an important thing to demonstrate for my children.  They need to know that it’s alright to do things different than what is expected of them.  If Link wants a pink balloon instead of blue – great!  If Eloise is dressed head to toe in boy clothes (ok… not quite her own decision yet) – great!  Their mommy and daddy love them, they were designed by God.  That is what matters.

Now… some pictures of Eloise trying to eat food.

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This is an avocado?

photo 3

It’s mushy.

photo 1

Apples!

 

Kids these days

Yesterday we drove past the hospital, and I pointed out to Link that the hospital was where he and Eloise were born.  Then when we got home, he asked me, “Mommy, how did all those babies get in your tummy?”  My 2.5 year old basically just asked where babies came from.  Not sure I’m ready for this.  But they are growing up so fast!

Link loves to play out in the puddles, and thanks to the weather, we have gotten to this week.  I am so happy that we can get them out – the fresh air is so good for my children.  I mentioned the love of dinosaurs already, but we are also big into cars.  We have been using little Matchbox cars and dinosaurs for some potty-learning incentive.  I’m not one to broadcast the potty habits of my kids, but I will say that there has been very impressive advances in that area.  We are very proud.

Eloise is sitting now!  She is also doing a lot of “crawling”, or at least her version.  She gets up into a perfect crawl stance, and lunges forward, repeat, repeat, until she reaches her destination (often something that will go in her mouth).  We are still trying to figure out her dietary needs.  I had been dairy free for awhile, and that relieved a lot of her acid reflux.  I introduced it again, and that hasn’t been going well.  A combination of that, the beginning stages of teething, and a cold that will not leave our house, has led to some unhappy moments for her.  Overall though, she is the happiest little girl.  We are so blessed by her smiles.  She is also a big fan of not sleeping at night, so that’s been fun.

I will leave you with a few photos of the rugrats.

Eloise after some outside time

Eloise after some outside time

Link loves to eat the snow!

Link loves to eat the snow!

3 generations of Gehring men

3 generations of Gehring men

Daddy and Eloise playing ball

Daddy and Eloise playing ball