I have been wanting to share, mostly with my future self/child, the journey that is my pregnancy. Now, just about halfway through, I am finally starting! Who knows, this may be the first of many words to share, or it may be the last. It is hard for me to stay consistent at blogging, but here’s to trying!
I am pregnant with my first beautiful child, who is expected to arrive in this world around July 11, 2011. Babe will be a summer baby, which in itself is a new experience since Justin and I are both November/December birthdays. So far this has been an easy pregnancy, which I am very blessed to say. I have had my share of nausea, exhaustion, mood swings, pregnancy brain, headaches, and the other usual suspects that creep into life once pregnant, but I haven’t “lost my cookies” or anything to that extent. I have been fortunate to have had 3 ultrasounds so far where I have gotten to see my babe, and we have another one coming up on Wednesday.
We will not be finding out what we are having, pending “pregnant Amber” doesn’t go crazy and tells the tech to share the news. Justin is convinced it is a boy, as are many other people. One of our ultrasounds showed the leg (it was the leg, believe me) placed in a certain way that made it look like a very well endowed little boy. A few people have decided babe is a girl. I am truly happy knowing that this babe is growing healthy, and I have no preference. I have been calling babe a she to counteract Justin, but I have been dreaming in pink! Who knows, I just know that God has decided to bless us with a baby.
Now I saw the quote I used in my title about questions and answers. At first I saw it, and thought it was completely wrong. I would always prefer to know ALL of the answers. Just ask my mom! I have been searching for answers to all of my questions since I was little, and never accepting that I couldn’t have the answer. Now of course, I didn’t always get the answer, which increased my frustration. I want(ed) to understand the world, it’s every detail and direction. I want(ed) God to make it clear to me so that I have no more questions and only answers.
The more I read this quote, I realized that in it, God was speaking to me. He is telling me, yet again, that knowing all of the answer isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, nor is it possible. I don’t get to know the answers, it is not my right. What I am supposed to do is listen to God, to search in Him and in His word for the answers, but to be content in still having questions.
During this pregnancy, I have had many questions, doubts, and not-understandings. I have been blessed with a beautiful, healthy babe so far (see the doubt I still have in that sentence?) while so many others have losses, troubles, and unsuccessful attempts at pregnancy. I don’t understand. I ask “Why me?” too often, instead of just believing/accepting that God has given me this gift.
I will continue to have doubts, and this pregnancy will test again and again my faith in God. Fortunately, I have people praying for me, and a little babe inside of me that will help me to remember God’s miraculous ways, and to thank Him always for this gift. I can still question, but I need to add trust into the question that if the answer is not clear to me, I will be ok.
Title quoted from James Thurber