The Last of September

I cannot believe that September is going to be over in 13 minutes.  I have not done enough homework!  🙂

I am hoping that October is great and I accomplish a lot.  Justin and I are still working on our routines, but they are getting in sync.  I LOVE HIM!!  It is so exciting to be married.  Although it still feels weird… I just love coming home to him every night and waking up next to him each morning.

By the way, I finally found my slippers again!  Not that you knew they were missing, but they were and they make me happy.

Mr. Harry Potter

When Harry Potter first came out, I wasn’t interested in reading it at all.  Once 5 of them were out, I thought I would give it a try.  I read them in 2 weeks.  Then I read the sixth when it came out.  Then one day I was reading the seventh, and I got thirsty.  So I reached for my wand to get a coke out of the fridge.  Ever since then, everything I read is compared to those books.  Congratulations JK Rowling.  You are amazing.

The best PostSecret I have ever read.

Benefit Analysis

I have been working on doing better with a lot of things for a long time.  This semester I wanted to get straight As, get in shape, yadda yadda.  It is hard to stay motivated, especially when you go to bed one night prepared to be different in the morning but it doesn’t happen.

Anyways, I realize that changing has to happen with a certain mindset, goals, accountability, and time.  I think working with there guidelines need to be my first step in making some personal changes that will help me be a better me.  Also, I need to remember during this process that I am human, I am beautiful as I am, I will fail, and I cannot do it alone.

The key is, that I do have trouble remembering all the time, is God.  He needs to be my constant companion and partner in this process.

BTW, as much as laundry isn’t fun, I really like doing it.  It makes me feel like a wife.

Marriage and Weather

It rained today.  I was sad.  The funny thing is, I really like the rain!  One thing that I know about me is that my mood is affected by the weather.  I really wish it wasn’t, and I am not sure how to change it.  But at least I know that if I am sad, and the weather isn’t nice, that’s probably why.  My mom says to take vitamin D!

There is one thing that I didn’t fully realize before I got married about Justin.  Justin can wake up at 7am and start working and not stop until he goes to bed at 3am.  I knew he worked a lot, but I didn’t really know how much.  The scary thing is that he works less now.  I want him to work.  He needs to work, and I know he loves what he does.  We spend time together watching tv shows we like to watch and eating dinner usually.  I don’t know what else we are supposed to do that doesn’t cost money and doesn’t feel like a waste of time to either of us.  The thing that frustrates me is that I work and go to school, and why can’t he work while I do those things?  I know that the answer is that as a programmer, you cannot schedule the best time to code.  It just happens.  It is hard trying to find a good balance between spending time together and working and I think we are trying to do that.  (But maybe it is just me that is trying to do that and he is perfectly happy.)

Season Premiere

I wanted to let you all know that I have been a little bit happier the last few days.  A few things have helped me have some great days.

I went shopping!  I spent too much money on things that I didn’t really need but shopping always brightens the spirits.

Amy came into town!  I love my family, my parents, and my sister so much but there is nothing like seeing someone I truly love after not seeing her for awhile.

My husband has spent a lot of time with me helping me through my fears and concerns.

I have gotten a lot of great advice from people.  My cousin Crystal mentioned something about yoga which I think would be a great idea.  Also, my mom suggested that I start trying the recipes people gave me for my showers.  I want to try one once a week, which is really exciting and gives me something to try to be good at.

One of the things that concerns me is that winter is coming.  I get very gloomy with winter, but I have some new boots and jackets that should keep me a bit cheery!

Finding Happy

When one is set on finding happy in their life, the first key decision is to not listen to country music.

Riding home from babysitting tonight I was listening to the local country station.  One song I listened to talked about the woman’s dad dying.  The second one was about a car accident and not being able to walk.  Now when you are not in the greatest of moods, teetering on being depressed, hearing these songs brings these thoughts into your head:

“Oh no, my dad is going to die!  And according to the song I am the only one he has left, which means mom died and my sister died.  Then… I am going to get in an accident and lose my legs.”

It really doesn’t take that long to knock some sense back into me and realize that country music is just plain sad and not what I should be listening to at this point in my life.

So I am working on finding happy.  This consists of a few things that I have to find before I can find happy.

  1. Heart faith
  2. What makes me happy
  3. A normal sleep pattern

Let’s talk about #1.  I started going to Concordia last fall because I wanted to be a Lutheran social studies teacher.  Through that major, I was required to take Lutheran and religion classes.  Although I didn’t always do my best, I LOVED them!  I loved listening to the professors and learning all about God, Lutheranism, and my own faith.  While I was learning these things, I developed “head faith.”  This kind of faith for me was one where I finally understood what I had felt for many years.  I knew that what I believed had a strong foundation in the Bible and other doctrine.  Because I was taking so many religion classes and going to church on Wednesdays to lead, I stopped going to church on Sundays.  I thought I was getting enough God time.  I also felt that I was getting an incredible amount of deep knowledge about God, which I was, but since I was, church on Sundays just didn’t do it for me anymore.

After being bugged about going back and just wanting to start attending church again with my new husband, I went back to Sunday church.  I didn’t really feel anything, and it was more boring to me.  I thought that I just needed to get back in the swing.  When I was singing at church last Wednesday I felt nothing again, and I realized that all of my heart faith was gone.  In my head I still believe in God, but all of the butterflies and confidence and love that I used to feel while worshipping with God’s people is gone right now.  Angela Johnson told me some great advice though.  She said that it is much harder to wait for that God moment to come than to just keep showing up.

#2.  I do not really know what makes me happy in life.  I know that I love children and being around them.  I know that I love to read.  I know that I love spending time with my husband, family, and kitties.  And I know that I love doing crafts.  All of these things are things that I love and make me happy.  Now to find happy in life for me, I need to find something that will make me happy long term.  Any ideas?

The last one is to get on a sleep schedule.  No matter what I do in life, I need to have enough sleep!

Like I said in my last post.  I just need to be more happy than I am now.

Maybe I should learn to code…