I am having the absolute hardest time deciding what I want for my future.Â The basic question is: go to grad school or do not.Â It seems like it should be a simple decision: go to grad school.Â There are just so many more factors to this decision that are making it hard for me.
I have always wanted to be a mom.Â Since I was about 3, it was what my plan was for the future.Â Be a mom, raise kids, and be happy.Â Growing up, that is all I wanted to be, even through college.Â I changed my mind about a million times regarding the major I wanted and finally settled on history.Â I would absolutely love to work in a museum of sorts sharing history with the world, but I also feel like I would love to be a librarian.Â To be a librarian, I need to get a masters.
I want to have kids right now and Justin wants to wait a little longer.Â I know that he is right about waiting a little longer.
If I do not go to grad school, our plan would be to start having children in 2-3 years.Â If I do go to grad school, we would likely wait 4-5 years.
If I go, we could have more money long term, have the potential to have more children.Â If I don’t go, money would be tighter and we wouldn’t have as many kids most likely as I want to have.
If I do not go, there is a chance that I wouldn’t have to work as much but if I go, I wouldn’t want to waste my masters.
If I do go, I add ~$23,000 to my student loan debt.
Every one (mostly) I know is telling me to get my masters.Â They tell me to even if they don’t know what the decision is.Â I agree that this is the most logical decision, but every time I think more about it, my heart hurts.Â I am reminded of the years I would have to wait to hold my child in my arms.Â I know 5 years is nothing, but I just am unable to imagine waiting that long.
I feel like God is telling me to go for it, to further my education.Â But I am just so scared that it is the wrong decision.