Someday I will die. Â That is inevitable. Â I have never been afraidÂ per sayÂ of dying, I just didn’t want it to happen yet. Â Now that I have Lincoln, I think I’m going to die all of the time. Â Around every corner I see a new danger. Â One of my biggest fears right now is that I will leave Lincoln alone in this world. Â Of course he would not be alone – he would have a wonderful father and amazing grandparents to care for him. Â That doesn’t make it better. Â The key thing for me to do now is trust in God.
Trust in God? That has been one of the biggest challenges I have faced throughout my entire life. Â People whom I love have died, gotten sick, had horrible things happen to them. Â Despite this, I am told to follow Him. Â Proverbs says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” Â Isaiah says “Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid.” Â We read in Psalms “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God… I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?” Â There are countless more examples of how the Bible tells us to trust in God.
So instead of looking at all of the ways that I feel God has “let me down” I instead will look at the proof God has given to trust in Him. Â That proof for me is Lincoln. Â I waited (im)patiently for our amazing Lord to gift me with one of His children. Â I (im)patiently trusted that someday it would be my turn. Â I had a beautiful and successful first pregnancy. Â We had a beautiful and scary birth. Â I watched my sweet boy taken away from me not breathing, but all along trusted (without any sort of understanding) that God would carry Lincoln through. Â I now have a strong, healthy, amazing child that shows the miracles God performs. Â He did this for me. Â Now it’s time that I trust Him with all that I am.