Sometimes you just have to kick yourself in the face, but other times someone has to do it for you. I thought a lot today, and I also cried a lot. Derek is right I think, not about all things, but about a lot. I hope tonight is good for me. I think I am going to need Dirk’s help with fixing my life. To be honest, I didn’t know it was broken. I apologized to Sarah, and even if it isn’t something I wanted to do, I needed to do it. I am sorry to Sarah, Anders, Katie, and Nikki. On to other things. Today I went to WalkAmerica, a walk for premature babies. I walked five miles. Then on the way home I passed a little boy selling KoolAid. He looked really sad, like no one bought any yet. So I looped around the street, pulled out a dollar and bought some from him. His face lit up and his mom thanked me. I felt good. Not for me, but for him. Because I am sure he was trying so hard to raise money for something, and sometimes you just need a little help. I miss Jon very much. I haven’t seen him since Wednesday, and I know that isn’t very long, but I still do. I realized about an hour ago that today is Jon and I’s nine month. He didn’t remember either, so it’s ok. There have been so many things on my mind, and I was thinking about it in the past weeks, but at some point I just forgot. I seem to have a problem with these posts, I never have enough to say. So I will tell you about my weekend. I went to Concordia University this weekend. It was great, I learned a lot. And I know that I definately want to be a Lutheran teacher. Then yesterday Justin, John and I went to Red Lobster. It was delicious. But I should go now, I have to have dinner.Dear God, thank you for letting us not only to smile with our faces but also with our hearts.


Well, I suppose I will update before I am off to Concordia. I am pretty excited. But I am also very hungry. Those have nothing to do with each other. Since we are moving farther out towards mars right now, I am having a lot of trouble typing. It is causing me to not want to type. My brain is also not working very well. So… I will be off at Concordia this weekend. They are having a Church Career Weekend thing. Here is my schedule so you can know what I am doing every moment: Schedule of Events
Friday, April 25, 2003
4:00pm – 5:00pm Check in (Student Union)
5:00pm- 6:00pm CSP Tour(Student Union)
6:00pm- 7:00pm Pizza – Games
7:00pm – 9:00pm Christus Choir Concert (Chapel)
9:30pm – 12:00am Mixers – (Dining Hall)
Bible Study/DevotionSaturday, April 26, 2003
7:15am – 8:15am Breakfast (Dining Hall)
8:30am – 9:30am Meet the CSP Church Career Program Directors (Dining Hall)
9:30am – 12:00pm Saturday Morning Adventure
12:00pm- 1:00pm Lunch
1:00pm-1:30pm Service Ministry event
1:30pm – 3:00pm Twin Cities Tour
3:00pm – 3:30pm Closing Worship
3:30pmÂ…. Pack up and Go!! (pick up box dinner)So there it is. So see ya all later.


I am sitting here during my Key Club Board Meeting. I am trying to take minutes. This is interesting. I have talked to Nikki. She was at the airport. I will miss her very much. Church tonight just will not be the same. Jon is going to go with me to my prom. I am very glad. Nikki was going to be great, but she is still going. Life is so interesting. But I love it! So anyways. Today I have to get my chest x-ray. That should be fun and exciting. Okay, doing these two things at once is confusing. So I will go now. I will see some of you at church! Oh yeah! I am going to the Matchbox 20 concert! Yay!


There are a lot of things in this world I just do not understand. I don’t understand why I sit around crying about things that I don’t need to be crying about. I don’t understand why when I am doing a job as well as I can, I still do things wrong. I don’t understand why I love going to church but I don’t know why I go. I don’t understand why heaven is forever. I don’t understand why I put up with certain things. I don’t understand love. I don’t understand why I am in the mood to bake cookies. I don’t understand how after sleeping 18 hours, I feel wiped out. I don’t understand why I can’t feel sorry for myself.But then there are things that I do understand. I understand tough times. I understand death. I understand why the flowers bloom in the spring. I understand love. I understand how I can care for someone so much. I understand Justin (usually). I understand friends.There are so many weird things in life. Some I understnad, some I don’t, and there are some that one day I will understand. But for now, I guess I don’t need to understand everything. I have to realize that even when they don’t show it, people care about me. That when I am hurting, I need to talk to someone about it. I cannot keep everything inside. I need to know that my pain will go away. God is always watching over me. He loves me at all times. I will never become a burden to Him. I hope I never become a burden to anyone. You know what Justin, I hope that someday he is my best friend, and that he will wake up next to me every morning, and that our bond will become stronger. And Justin, THANK YOU for always being there for me, and for putting things into perspective. I don’t know what I would do without you.


You know what I cannot do on this diary, I cannot edit my diary entries. Justin, do you think you can make the font larger? Or is it just small on my screen? I suppose that is okay, I don’t usually need it. It is just something that was nice. Tomorrow is Easter. This is a wonderful day. It is when Jesus rose from the dead. At least tomorrow is Easter. That will be a happy day. I have been at church everyday since Wednesday. To be honest, I am getting a tiny bit sick of it, but not really. I really do love it there. Tonight a bunch of us Easter service kids are sleeping over at Vicki’s house. We did this last year also. I got one hour of sleep, and Nikki got zero. Maybe I will make it all night this year. We have to be at church at 430am anyways. I think the day we went to Jamaica was the only time I have been there earlier than that, but possibly not. So I am hoping Vicki doesn’t get too angry with us being loud. Katie said that her basement is finished so maybe us girls will stay down there. So you know how I was going to prom with Nikki? Well someone else asked her, or is going to ask her. So she is going to go with that person, but now I have to find a date. I was thinking I would just take Justin, because Jon doesn’t want to go to 3 dances. I will have to talk to him about this though. I don’t have any feelings for Justin, sorry babe;) but I just don’t think Jon wants to go. I will just have to talk with Jon about it. So anyways. I am pretty hungry so I think I will go have some lunch. But quick weekend recap: Friday- Champps with Melissa, Justin, and Richard, then movie night at Justin’s with Nik, John, Richard, Melissa, Amy, Justin. Justin’s mom showed us some great footage of 1990 Justin, it was a great view!


Can any of you figure out what my title means? Well good luck. I don’t have too much to say, but I am going to try. My font on this site is super small, but maybe it is only on my computer, but who knows. I’ll have to type a lot to fill up a page. I could just make every sentence a new paragraph, but that would be rather annoying.
We don’t have school on Friday. This is something that I am very excited about. It will be nice to have a four day weekend. I am super excited for Easter. My teacher said something stupid today. My friend Tony said something about this weekend being Easter break. She somewhat yelled at him and said that it wasn’t Easter for all. But if you think about it, it is nothing else besides Easter. This Friday is Good Friday, and that is the real reason that we do not have school. So yes, my teacher was dumb.
I am really trying to eat healthy lately. I am also trying to exercise. The exercising part is not really happening as well as I’d like.
I really hope that Jon calls me tonight. Otherwise I will. I am jealous of Matt and Aaron. They are so much closer to Jon than I am. They will also be spending a lot of time with him this weekend.

Hey Justin! If you get that 😉 thing on here, you can see what I secretly wrote to you.