I’ll never leave, I’ll never stray
My love for you will never change
But I ain’t ready to make up or get around to that
I think I’m right I think your wrong
I’ll probably give in before long
Please don’t make me smile
I just want to be mad for awhile

I want Justin to go with me to a dance tonight. I wanted him to go with me and my family to the fair the other day. To be perfectly honest, I don’t understand why he won’t go with me to these. I think that I would go with him to just about anything he asked me to, especially if it was a family thing. I went to him mom’s party. I wanted to go. Maybe that is the problem, he just doesn’t want to go with me. That is something that I don’t understand either. I just don’t know. I think that I will try not to ask him to go to things very much anymore. I don’t like being hurt when he says no. I also don’t like not understanding why. I do understand that Beth has her party tonight, but on the other hand, I don’t understand it. I just don’t know. But the problem won’t be solved, especially by him saying, "I’m sorry, sweety." What does he think that will do? Telling me he loves me won’t help either, because that is something that I know. And I love him too. But…

At the end of the day
Did I laugh and dance enough
Did I tell my friends how much they really mean to me
At the end of the day
Did I really push myself
Or was I too afraid
To give my heart away
At the end of the day
You know what? I love the people in my life. I love my family, even if they drive me up a wall. I love Nikki. I love Nate. And I love many many more people. I also love myself. I love being alone in my house and relaxing. I love sitting in front of a mirror putting on makeup for an hour. I love waiting to be picked up for a movie. I love being held by my love. I love holding my love. I love hearing my mom happy. I love saying no. I love saying yes. I love crying. I love a lot of things. I love the opportunities I have in this world. I love helping others. I love knowing that I am cared for. I love being told that I am smart. I love being told that I am beautiful. I love telling people how gorgeous they are. I love Justin.

thank you Nikki, for always being there for me. thank you for helping me with fashion advice when i dont know what to wear. thank you for letting me figure out who was right for me by myself. thank you for getting angry at me sometimes. thank you for being my best friend when i lost celeste. thank you for biting me. thank you for everything. there are so many things that i could thank you for. there are also so many things that you need to know. you need to know that i love you. you need to know that i will always be there for you. you need to know that i will always support you, even if you do something crazy like drop st. cloud and join the circus. i will join with you. you need to know that you can call me any time you need. you need to know that if you need to sneak into my room late at night when you need a place to stay, you can. Nikki, i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i will always love you. we will be friends forever. we will exercise together when we are pregnant in our husbands t-shirts and exercise shorts. we will walk a mile and count every step. we will drive valley creek. we can even open up a coffee shop and work together everyday. Nikki, we can do anything and everything together. I love you Nikki (not Nicole) _____ (last name here, wont put in online.)

all in all, today was really good. we had our thank you luncheon for az and jamaica. honestly, i wish that we could have had seperate ones, i thought that it got to be to long for the people that came to watch and listen. but what is done is done. afterwards, Nikki, my mom, and smash and I all went to the maplewood mall. i don’t think i bought anything, actually i know i didnt, but i did walk out of there $40 richer. how? you can ask me 😉 we stalked Justin, and then headed over to damons with him. after an ice cream and blockbuster run, we went to my house. nate joined us later and we all watched just married. it was a pretty good movie. brittany murphy is a really good actress, she and ashton kutcher seem to have pretty good chemistry. i wonder why… but now i must go and talk to my love. buenos noches.

i need to learn…