Counting Down the Days

So I won a contest at work that allowed me to write out my schedule for the next two weeks.  I did so, and I only have 2 weeks left of work before my vacation time starts for my wedding!  It is so incredibly close and I remember feeling like I would never get married.

Planning a wedding has been very stressful, but what makes it even worse is finding out you may have a faulty heart.

I went into the nutrition doctor to have some tests done to learn how to start being more healthy and find out what kinds of risk factors I have.  One of the tests was an EKG of my heart.  This is something that reads the electrical something or other on my heart.  The doctors found that my EKG was abnormal, I have “flipped t-waves.”

My cousin recently died at age 26 of a heart attack so finding out that I may have a heart condition really scared my mom especially and me.  I have gone to a few doctors now, and the heart specialist told me today that he is not concerned.  Since I am not having any other symptoms nor do my parents have heart conditions, he feels that there may just be no good explanation of what is wrong.  I had a heart ultrasound done last week and structurally my heart looks and functions correctly.  I am going in for a stress test on Friday to really rule out any issues, and then as long as everything seems alright I will not need to go back until January.  What I can do between then and now is continue to work on eating healthier and exercising more regularly.

Having heart issues the month before my wedding has added stress, but besides that the wedding planning has been going great.  I have finalized all the details with most of my vendors for the day of.  I met with the photographer today which went very well and on Friday I get to pick up my dress!  I have started making lists for each day during the week before the wedding.  I scheduled a massage for the Thursday before just to make sure that I will have some nice down time to relax and not be freaking out.

Another thing that has been causing me extra stress lately is my mood.  I have been struggling with some depression and sadness since around April.  People keep asking me if it is coming from getting married or something to do with Justin.  I am confident that I am not regretting the decision to marry Justin or to get married.  It is definitely a huge change and that has been kind of hard to deal with.  I am really hoping that it will get better once Justin has moved in and we are done with all of the wedding stuff.  The problem is that I really have no idea why I am so sad so often.  I barely even want to talk to my mom anymore and she has been my closest friend for so long.  I could always talk to her.  But who knows.  It may help for me to go talk to someone and I think the more I really exercise the better I will feel.

What I could use now is prayer.  I just want to be happy.