Somedays I just do not understand things. I am trying to be nice. I really am, and I am trying to be good. But right now, I just don’t know. Today is Justin and I’s 4 month. I know that 4 months is not a very big deal, but still. I wanted to spend it with him. I know that he has to go to work, and I shouldn’t be upset by that. He is never upset when I have to work. So why does it bother me today? I am so scared that we won’t make it. I am trying not to be, but I am. I hate the feeling of being unable to control my own tears. I can usually stop my self from crying. But right now, I just don’t seem to be able to. So I am crying, my stomach hurts really bad, my throat is closing, and I feel like I am going to faint. I sure hope that I don’t seeing as I am home alone. Maybe I will just deal with not seeing him again today. I would like to, but I don’t want to come up with any ideas of things to do. I was really excited to do something with his family, but oh well. I need to stop being the dumb girlfriend, and just be nice and leave him be.