This week I am 12 weeks pregnant with Baby Gehring #2. Many people ask me if this was planned. My work-around answer is, “Well, we know how these things happen.” The truth is not exactly, we didn’t plan to get pregnant in December and have a baby late August/September. But I am so incredibly blessed and excited to be pregnant again.
I have been extremely fortunate to have this be my second pregnancy and, God willing, will be my second healthy baby. I feel unworthy. I felt unworthy with Link too. I have been surrounded by losses over the last few years – too many friends and family members suffering lost pregnancies and lost babies. It isn’t fair to them. And I ask God, while thanking Him, why am I so blessed?
I may never know. What I can do though, is pray and cry for those hurting, and praise and spread joy for my blessings. I will work my darndest to give Link and our future children a God filled life. I want them to know Jesus, to love Him, and to go to Him in times of need. I am okay if my kids ask questions, if they experience doubts, if they, like me, ask “why is it working out ok for me, or why isn’t it?” I will encourage those things. And all along I will work to serve others in any way God asks of me.
While pregnant, I have an internal law that I try to live by. I will occasionally share my woes and discomforts. I will state that it is very hot being pregnant, or that I feel sick. I will not, however, wish any of it away, or complain about what is going on. The person growing in me is an incredible miracle. By the grace of God, I am growing a tiny human! It is the most miraculous thing I have ever experienced, and to wish it was out, to wish to not be pregnant, to complain about the pain it’s causing me, is just selfish. So while we are called not to judge, I will wish that others would not complain. I will pray for your pregnancy woes and aches, but I will not agree with you when you wish the pregnancy over or done. I will, if you’d like, remind you that you are growing a human, a child that God trusted to you. I will tell you again and again, if it helps you, that there is a watermelon-sized miracle! kicking you in your ribs.
While there are so many trials and troubles in this world, and so many questions to ask, I am going to live joyfully, while God does HIS WORK inside of me.