Finding Happy

When one is set on finding happy in their life, the first key decision is to not listen to country music.

Riding home from babysitting tonight I was listening to the local country station.  One song I listened to talked about the woman’s dad dying.  The second one was about a car accident and not being able to walk.  Now when you are not in the greatest of moods, teetering on being depressed, hearing these songs brings these thoughts into your head:

“Oh no, my dad is going to die!  And according to the song I am the only one he has left, which means mom died and my sister died.  Then… I am going to get in an accident and lose my legs.”

It really doesn’t take that long to knock some sense back into me and realize that country music is just plain sad and not what I should be listening to at this point in my life.

So I am working on finding happy.  This consists of a few things that I have to find before I can find happy.

  1. Heart faith
  2. What makes me happy
  3. A normal sleep pattern

Let’s talk about #1.  I started going to Concordia last fall because I wanted to be a Lutheran social studies teacher.  Through that major, I was required to take Lutheran and religion classes.  Although I didn’t always do my best, I LOVED them!  I loved listening to the professors and learning all about God, Lutheranism, and my own faith.  While I was learning these things, I developed “head faith.”  This kind of faith for me was one where I finally understood what I had felt for many years.  I knew that what I believed had a strong foundation in the Bible and other doctrine.  Because I was taking so many religion classes and going to church on Wednesdays to lead, I stopped going to church on Sundays.  I thought I was getting enough God time.  I also felt that I was getting an incredible amount of deep knowledge about God, which I was, but since I was, church on Sundays just didn’t do it for me anymore.

After being bugged about going back and just wanting to start attending church again with my new husband, I went back to Sunday church.  I didn’t really feel anything, and it was more boring to me.  I thought that I just needed to get back in the swing.  When I was singing at church last Wednesday I felt nothing again, and I realized that all of my heart faith was gone.  In my head I still believe in God, but all of the butterflies and confidence and love that I used to feel while worshipping with God’s people is gone right now.  Angela Johnson told me some great advice though.  She said that it is much harder to wait for that God moment to come than to just keep showing up.

#2.  I do not really know what makes me happy in life.  I know that I love children and being around them.  I know that I love to read.  I know that I love spending time with my husband, family, and kitties.  And I know that I love doing crafts.  All of these things are things that I love and make me happy.  Now to find happy in life for me, I need to find something that will make me happy long term.  Any ideas?

The last one is to get on a sleep schedule.  No matter what I do in life, I need to have enough sleep!

Like I said in my last post.  I just need to be more happy than I am now.

Maybe I should learn to code…

4 thoughts on “Finding Happy

  1. Hi love.

    First off, I miss you. You are such a beautiful soul, and your honesty is incredible. I feel so blessed that God chose to bless me with you as a sister. Now, for my response to your blog. I recently studied Job, and your situation reminds me of him. Job struggled with being okay with what God had done to him, but he never left God, he fought to understand, to grow. It took what seemed like an impossibly long time (42 chapters-hey Justin’s favorite number!) for Job to come to an understanding with God, and then his path was made clear.

    I know this isn’t very promising, but all I am saying is that your heart is fighting, and let it keep fighting! God will be faithful in his own time and show you what he desires for you.

    Oh, and about church. You’ve heard about a lot of my issues with the church. But, what you haven’t heard, I’ve found an amazing church in Lincoln- finally! I can feel myself being moved again and coming alive. Maybe you just need to find a new service, a new church, a new study, a new learning environment. You say you like crafts and children and God? Maybe you would grow and come alive serving Sunday School. Maybe you could try retreats. You always love to help others, so maybe you could volunteer at an orphanage. Idk, I’m just throwing out suggestions.

    Oh, and I’m coming home this weekend, so maybe we can talk then!

    I love you and am just a phone call away:)

  2. Do you know how beautiful you are, Amber? You are so beautiful and so sweet spirited and so bright and interesting and talented!!!

    When you were little and Dad was in the hospital, Pastor Paul and Rhoda came to visit him. They were happy to see you girls there. They always loved you and Ashley! They knew you very well from age 2 – probably 12 or so. They watched you and were there for you at every big event in your (ours) life throughout those years…anyway, they came to the hospital one day and you spoke with Pastor Paul about how you were doing in school, etc. Then for a moment he just looked at you, and then he said,”So, Amber, you are very smart, very pretty, talented, and very nice. The bible says, ‘(Luke 12:48) From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.’ So God has given you a lot, and a lot will be expected of you.”

    Well, that seems to have been true, Dear One, as you have been very busy as a devoted daughter, sister, granddaughter, girlfriend, fiance, bride, wife, employee (many jobs!), student, cousin, friend, CA, nanny, pet-sitter, nursing assistant, neice, servant of God, small group leader, missionary, world traveler, etc. etc. and most importantly…Santa’s Elf! and what are you now????? 50 or so? No…twenty….two. So I guess you might be a little bit worn out, Honey? Understandable. Do you deserve a little break? I think so.

    John 15:4 says:
    ” Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.”

    One online dictionary definition of abide is:
    1: to wait for : await
    2 a: to endure without yielding : withstand b: to bear patiently : tolerate
    3: to accept without objection
    To me abide is to rest securely in. Kind of a non-action verb.

    I bring this up because one of my personal goals which I will share with you, is to become a human being instead of a human doing. I try to remember to abide in Jesus, who’s yolk is light, who brings me rest.

    I truly don’t think it matters all that much to God, WHAT we do. What matters to God is that we do whatever it is we do, with Him in mind and for Him.

    Please rest in Jesus, my amazing first born child. Seek Him and Him alone, and you will find yourself. He does have a plan for you. Just for you. Pray, rest, work for Him, and you will not be lost, I promise you.

    By the way, I am very impressed that you are journaling. It will perhaps do you a world of good.

    Thank you for allowing my comments.

    You are already accepted and loved completely, just exactly the way you are this minute!


  3. Awww. That would be exciting if you learned to code. Personally, I get the greatest thrill out of building things useful to other people and seeing them work. I imagine carpenters and other people feel the same way.

    I’m not sure you really need happiness though. What is happiness after all? Just a high point in a graph, right? Is it a high point if everything is high? Haha, high. Not *that* kind of high. If you’re always happy, then maybe you’ll want to be happier?

    Maybe you want contentment instead. Let me know if you figure out either that or the heart faith thing out, though. I’d love to hear how to fix those things.

  4. Amber – I feel like I’m snooping reading your blog entries, but I know you are putting them out for us to see, so I’ll try to stop feeling guilty.

    I can’t speak to the church part of your post, but I can speak to the life part of the post. I want to assure you that you are not alone in your confused feelings about life. I think we all go through it at some point or another. I read a book called Quarter-life Crisis and could really identify. You’re a crucial point in your life…ready to graduate, but not yet ready (or excited) to jump into the real world. I mean, what is there to look forward to? Years and years of working? Ugh. Tell me about it. I went through it when I was in my early 20’s. It’s especially tough when you can’t seem to see a direction/purpose in your life.

    It will get better though! Your faith is fantastic and that will carry you part-way through. Life experiences will handle the rest. You’ll find new activities and hobbies to occupy your time. You’ll meet new friends who will stimulate your mind. You’ll find the right job for you and get re-energized again.

    You are right about the sleep schedule thing – it helps to be on a good schedule. Maybe there’s a workout/yoga class you can take in the morning to force you to get up and start your day? Who knows, maybe you’ll meet a new friend.

    And remember…although these feelings will go away, they may pop up again from time to time during different points in your life. At least you’ll be able to identify the feelings and figure out what to do to make it better. For me, I recently had to cut down TV and computer time. I realized it was draining the life out of me. Talk about a brain drainer!!

    Anyway, I hope this helps you know you are not alone and I hope I don’t sound like too much of a dork. Love ya!

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