Revelations and Plans

In junior high I had very little self confidence issues.  I felt fine with the way I looked.  My grandma admired me because I could go to school with no makeup and be just fine with it.  Unfortunately, this did not continue through high school and college.  Especially lately I have not been feeling great about my body.  There are very few days where I look in the mirror and am happy about what I see.

This is a problem.  I have a wedding in less than 5 months now, and every day I think about getting up the next morning with a new motivation for getting into shape and eating healthy.

It is weird because I never wake up with the motivation that I had the night before.  Also, I just cannot seem to keep up the exercising or eating healthy.  I know that Justin loves every bit of me– inside and out.  The problem is that I do not, and it just does not seem to be enough for me.  I want other people in this world to look at me and this, “wow, she is beautiful.”  And please don’t write to me and say that just to make me happy.  I really want to do better.

I know that at my wedding no one is going to be surprised at how I look.  No one is expecting to see me that day weighing 120 pounds all of a sudden.  I do want them to see me and think that I am a beautiful bride.

So I need to come up with a plan and a way to stay accountable to it.  I am fully welcoming you all to ask me daily if I walked on the treadmill or ate fruits and vegetables.  Invite me to go on a brisk walk or, when we eat out, tell me to get a salad with no dressing.

Tonight, right now, I want to do this.  I want to want to do this tomorrow and the next day, and the next.  Through my friends and my family I am hoping to be held to my plans to do this, and I hope that I can rely on God to help me lose the weight and eat healthy.