Risky Business

Justin does not want me to get my tattoo.  Under threat of us being no more.  He will not really break up with me.  I want this tattoo.  I want it because I want it, it has nothing to do with rebellion or trying to prove anything.  I want the tattoo!  But I said I would not.  For him.  He says when I am 20, then I can get one.  But I want it now.  I just do not know what to do.

Justin is over right now.  He was going to leave, but I am upset and he said he would stay a little longer.  He is sitting in the kitchen playing 2 handed 500.  His idea.  When I wanted him to stay a little longer to spend time with me.  I want to say goodbye and go to bed.  But I cannot.  Because I cannot go to bed angry.  It hurts too much.

So I am not very good right now.  I am sad.  I am angry.  I am pissy. 


Kitty Kitty

I got a baby kitten!  Yay!  She is really cute.

Today was a really good day.  I did very well without Justin.  I did not miss him too much. 

Today’s post is not going to be lengthy like that past 2 have been.  Nikki is coming over. 

Okay bye!


I love Justin. I wanted to start out by saying that.  I love his cares, and worries.  I love his images.  I love the way he cares about people.  I love him no matter where he is and what he is doing.  I love him when he disappoints me and when he surprises me.  This paragraph is mostly for Justin.  I just wanted him to know this, even though he already does. 

It drives me nuts when people don’t live by their heart.  I mean yes… you should use your head a lot, like when you are driving.  But really, your heart matters more sometimes.  Not just sometimes, a lot.  Okay, enough on that.

Sonshine is coming up.  I am very excited.  I have been looking forward to this for a year.  Even though it is not going to be exactly as I imagined, it will be fun.  It may be just me and John though.  Which will be sad, yet very fun at the same time.  **I thought I would explain at this moment the reason I do not want to go with church.  I do not want rules.  I think Derek’s rules are very good, very well thought out, and very reasonable.  I just do not want them.  Also, I like the small group feeling more than the large.  I enjoyed everyones company, but I was not able to be as close to everyone with so many people.  I have nothing against the church.  I do not think I am better than them.  I just wanted to go seperately.**

So anyways.  I miss Nikki.  I feel more distant from her.  I love her very much.  I hope she knows that.

I am doing alright today.  I miss Justin.  But I am happy for the most part.  I am going to hang out with some people from work tomorrow, which will be a lot of fun.  One of the reasons I do not like when he is gone is because it is harder to finish conversations.  But as long as there is no anger at the end of them, I am fine.  But it does drive me crazy.

I work at 730 tomorrow morning.  So I should probably get some sleep.  I am going now.  I love you honey.  Don’t miss me too much 😉

A Day

So today was a day.  Nothing too exciting.  It actually started out bad. 

Justin left for Nebraska today.  After he dropped me off at home after the drive-in, I bawled.  (sp?)  I was emotional… partially cause I was tired, and partially because I hate it.  I really do not like spending holidays apart.  I do not like spending time apart.  I know I should not have my life revolve around him or anything, and I do not think it does… but it does hurt when he is gone.  The thing is, he is the last person I think about before bed, the first when I wake up, the reason I watch the clock all day until I see him… it is kind of sad.  But I love him.  I am truly madly deeply in love with Justin.  I guess I do not care if I miss him.

So since my night ended sadly, this morning I was crabby.  I was tired and sad.  I was also a little late to work.  But that was okay.  I decided that I needed to spend tonight with Amber.  I came home, changed clothing and left.  I ran a few errands.  Then I called Nikki and I went over to Kristina’s house for a partay.

That did not start out as well as I wanted it to.  I did not feel that welcome.  I know that I was though.  I also felt sad.  I missed that boy of mine that I love so much.  I did not understand inside jokes, or a lot of the comments being made.  I was also sad that they did not come to the drive-in last night.  Until Nikki said that they tried, I thought that they just did not want to.

After a while, I began to feel a lot better.  I had fun playing with Barbies and poker.  I even had really good luck in poker.  If only I could get some of the luck that I had tonight when we play for money…

We had some food to eat at Kristina’s made by her wonderful mom.  And basically we just chilled.  Party included Jake, Jake, Nikki, Kristina, Me, Hammiller, Dibbs, and Kelly ( in no order of importance whatsoever). 

Things were very comfortable after awhile also, which was very good.  I even received a phone call from Justin which was nice.  Thanks honey 🙂

I also think I found my next tattoo.  I have been looking for the perfect lizard for awhile.  I love this one.  I want him on my back, lower back.  My mom wants me to wait until I turn 20, and Justin says not at all.  But it is my body, so I will decide.  To be honest, I would rather have it on my shoulder blade… but my aunt Heidi says that I should get one that will not show when I wear my wedding dress.  But I am not sure that I would care if it shows.  I mean, it is me!  Let people know that, I do not want to hide the fact.  I also thought about getting ‘dead’ on my other ankle so when I tell people that my first tattoo means alive, and they asked what will happen when I die, I can just turn around.  Hehe. 

Well, this is the longest post with the most solid content that I have written since the mood.  I hope my boy will read it all and is proud.  I will hopefully write more tomorrow… or actually later today.