I received a C on an essay that I tried really hard on. I do not know how I did that. I think that I do not understand the directions well enough to follow them. I often think that I am stupid. Also that no matter how hard I try, I will fail. This is a very bad attitude to have. Therefore, I shall change.I am finding that learning to learn is one of the most difficult pieces of knowledge that I have ever tried to grasp. But it is definitely one that I need. I need to learn how to learn, how to understand, how to succeed. I will learn these things, even if it takes me the rest of my life.I want more than anything right now to get all A’s next semester. I think that B’s will be okay also, but I want more A’s than B’s. I want to learn how to write, and write well. I am going to talk to my English teacher in hope of help. I have been studying. That is something so incredibly new to me, it is scary. I have been studying and outlining the information as I go. I talked to a teacher today that is crazy. Two actually… But I got help in one. I got a lucky break in one of my classes that will give me a chance to improve on something. I learned some things today. Nothing from any book… Well I learned book stuff too. But I learned more about myself. I think that I learn more about myself everyday. That is kinda exciting. I do not think that I will be able to learn everything about myself ever, but we shall see.I worked out today and yesterday. I even tried to eat healthy. It seems the more I work out and try to eat healthy, the more hungry I get for bad foods. But I will keep trying. I feel so good when I work out and so guilty when I eat something unhealthy. But that is okay, I will get better at not eating those things. I would love to lose 20 pounds by prom. I know that it will be one of the harder things that I have to do in my life, but I am going to try. I am really very determined. I have been before, but for some reason I think that this time is different. I push myself harder and it feels very good. I have always hated it before. This time will be different.My life is going to be different now. I am going to learn a lot of things. I will be a more independent person. I will earn money for myself to move out somewhere next year. I will be more reliable and trustworthy. I will be Amber. I am not going to change overnight, which is tough. It will take time. I will pray very much and often. I think that I will need help, for I cannot do this on my own. I am hoping that people are willing to help me. One more thing: I am in love!