I have a short time to write. Justin and I are going out to dinner and then probably movie night. (So call Justin’s cell) Today I moved my bed and desk down to my new room. It is actually a room now. All painted and shtuff. I wish Nik could have helped, but she has been working. Uh oh, Justin… bye.

Cold Hard Cash

Yes. Updating every day is good. Spent the day at the salon where I decided it was time to get rid of some things. So that is what we did. 2 lines of product are gone, a few shelves are gone, and things look a lot nicer. It was a very productive day, but not the funnest. I have been up since 645. That is early. Justin came up and helped us move shelves. It was very nice of him. It is always nice to have him there, here, anywhere, with me. To have him with me. To be with him. Justin and I. Me and Justin. Amber and Justin. Justin and Amber. Okay I am done. Tomorrow I am hoping to finish moving my bedroom down. This will be difficult seeing as I am going to need Ashley’s desk, but she has not cleaned it out. I have sneezed so many times in the past two days. And I need a shower. I look bad, and dirty. I feel dirty. So yes. Is it silly if I miss him? My post today is a bunch of nothingness. But it is a post. And now it is over.Live well. Laugh often. Love much.


So I have not updated since June 9. That was a Monday. On that Monday, was my sister’s birthday. Justin and I went to Best Buy and bought her 3 DVD’s. They were ones she wanted. I also babysat John and Johanna Broten. I love babysitting those kids. They are always well behaved. Ashley had a lot of her friends over. Including Jacob! Two of her friends slept over, and I was recruited to bring them home in the morning. So that’s what I did! Woke up and brought Ashley’s friends home and rushed to our orthodontist appointments. Those were fun as always. Justin, Smash and I went to Maplewood Mall later. I had to buy a dress for the ball. I don’t really like trying on clothes, especially in front of boys. It just kind of makes me feel ugly. Ashley told me the dress looked good, and so did Justin. I guess it kinda did, but it was on me. And I don’t really like my body. But I guess I just have to deal, or do something about it. After wandering the mall for a little while longer, we went over to Olive Garden for lunch. Justin is so nice to Smash. I am really glad. And she likes him too. You know what? Only when I write posts do I start a sentence with “and.” I would never start a sentence in a paper like that. Wednesday my aunt, Betty and cousins, Marcus and Tina came into town. Betty wanted her kids to hang out with some good kids for a change, and I guess Justin and I were those good kids. Shortly after they arrived, we girls headed over to my cousin Jill’s baby shower. Jill is only 18. I am happy for her though. I don’t like when people say that they are against teen pregnancy. What a thing to be against! I mean, usually they don’t choose to be pregnant. But everyone makes mistakes. And no matter what, an innocent baby is going to be brought into this world. Being against abortion, definitely okay in my book. But when a teenager is pregnant, they should not be looked down on. They should be looked up at. Teenagers who become pregnant have huge decisions to make. They should be fully supported and helped by anyone who can. Argh, it makes me mad. Later that evening, Justin came over. He introduced my cousins to DDR. This was probably a good thing. Tina loved it and she caught on after a while. They played for hours until Betty told us she wanted to go to bed. So we all went to bed. Kind of. Tina went upstairs and I think slept. Ashley and Marc turned on 28 Days. Betty went to her room and read. I went to my temporary room and played Tetris and had my nightly conversation with Justin. Thursday we went to Carbones for lunch with my family and Justin. It was okay food. I am not a big fan, but oh well. After we drove by my dad’s mom’s old house. She is not living any more. Her house was one we all grew up in. I miss her, but I am a lot happier that she is in Heaven. She has Alzheimer’s, and was not doing well, so she is in a better place. Ashley and Betty went home, and the rest of us went to Maplewood Mall. Marcus and Tina bought their dad a shirt, and Justin bought tokens for DDR. We all had a pretty good time. Justin spent the rest of the evening over. I don’t remember what else we did… probably DDR. Friday was another busy day. I woke up and did stuff. Um, oh yes. Justin, Nikki, Tina, Marc, Smash, and I went to eat at Damon’s. This was fun of course. Casey was back, and we heard some dirt about the Damon’s stuff. Justin brought me to the salon where I received a manicure and a pedicure. They were very nice and relaxing. Justin came back when I was done and got a haircut. He looked very good, but he always looks good. We then headed back to my house… I think. Something like that. That night I babysat Jack and Sierra. I came home to find Justin, John, Nikki, Nick, and Melissa entertaining my sister and cousins. Okay, so I knew they would be there. It was movie night at my house! Justin was on the computer, well actually, he greeted me when I got out of my truck. It was cute. Then he went back to being on the computer. I said hi to everyone, and watched Justin on the comp. They were watching Rush Hour 2, one of Ashley’s new DVD’s. Not one that I was interested in watching. But the night did get exciting as it went on. Nick kept putting ice cubes down Nikki, and she was not enjoying this. Nikki and I went to Cub and bought my mommy Gobstoppers. We also made up wonderful stories about the guys that were out grocery shopping at 11:40pm. You should hear them! They are good. Saturday was packed. We didn’t have a minute to lie down! First thing was an Arizona meeting. It was a meeting, nothing too special. I got to talk to Pastor Todd and Kellie though! Derek let me read them the Bible verse. Acts 5:42 will be our theme verse for our mission trip. Acts 5:42 “Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Christ.” It is a pretty good verse. And it fits. Pastor Todd and Kellie told me that they were excited for me to be coming down. Our group seems like they will get along pretty well. I am really glad Justin is going with, and Jake too. They were in my small group, and are good friends. Yes, Justin is my b/f too, but even if he wasn’t, I would want him there. After the meeting we stopped in at Gingiss and picked up Justin’s cummerbund and bow tie. I am glad he got a bow tie. It looked more, ballish. We stopped at my house and got my stuff, kind of. What we could find of it. We stopped at Justin’s house and then headed over to grandma’s to get ready. We got dressed, took lots of pictures, decided to buy her house some day, and headed over to Sim’s. Of course we stood out a lot in our tux and gown. Oh well. After Sim’s we went to the Emperor’s Ball. What to say about the Ball. Amazing. Wonderful. Incredible. Perfect. I spent a night with my love. We ate German food. We watched The Sound of Music play. We went on a horse drawn carriage ride. We sat by a fountain and talked. We kissed. We held. It was amazing, wonderful, incredible, perfect. Justin said that it was the best night of his life. Justin spent the best night of his life with me. I think I would have to agree with him. The best night. I hope all of my best nights are with him. After the ball we went to Perkin’s. Then home. Sunday we drove Tina and Marcus to Eau Claire to meet their parents. We all ate at Olive Garden, and Justin and I headed home. It was a nice ride. They always are. I almost fell asleep, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to cherish every moment. Later Justin, my mom, Ashley, and I went to 2 Fast 2 Furious. It was pretty good. We went in the hot tub, and talked about my fears. Now onto this week. Monday I cleaned and bought paint for my room. Nothing too exciting. No Justin this day though. Kinda weird, but it made Tuesday all the more special. So Tuesday Justin came over and helped me paint my room. It was a lot of fun. He was there when I wanted him and needed him. We ordered Papa John’s halfway through the day. Justin got Ashley addicted to Ultima Online. We went to Jack’s t-ball game. Sierra actually came up to Justin. That was good. Went to Jo-Ann’s to pick up stuff. Came home and finished painting. We also watercolored. It was a good day. Now it is today. Tomorrow will come. Yesterday is gone. But memories are always there. Memories are good. Memories will stay. If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I


Ok, so I think I over exaggerate. Well, not exactly. I think years of keeping all of my feelings inside and trying to be the strong one. I hate when people are disappointed in me. I really try hard. It just doesn’t work I guess. But oh well. I am going to go do stuff. Yes.


There are a lot of things in this life that are just not fair. The thing is, God knows exactly what He is doing. This sometimes makes me angry. I just want things to work out. I want good people to have good lives. Yes, everyone should be challenged, but some people are just challenged up the wazoo. My mom suffers from fibromyalgia. This makes her in pain every moment of every day. Sure, she made a few mistakes when she was young, but she is such a good person. She cares for people and helps them. She is one of the strongest people I know. But I am fed up with her being in pain all of the time. It just isn’t fair. She can’t work or go to church when she is in pain. It sucks major. I hate it but I try to not feel bad for myself. And I don’t really. I just get sick of her being crabby because she is in pain. I get sick of doing the housework because she cannot. Argh! It just makes me mad. And sad. Depressed in a way. I want to escape. I am so sick of it. I just wish she would be healed. No, I pray she will be. I also pray that Justin’s mom will like me as much as she likes Nikki someday. Meh. I shall go clean now, and then later I will be able to escape from here.


Fine, I will update. My graph is starting to look a little pathetic. Okay there. Bye.